I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
