so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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