you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize