Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
