Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
