Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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