i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
