I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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