well I can't set my house on fire every night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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