My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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