she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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