That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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