just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize