So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
