trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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