dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you traded sex for a burrito?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It's shark week go big or go home
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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