well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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