DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
zippers are such a cool invention
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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