oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
