Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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