A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I smell stomach acid.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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