Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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