Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
