so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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