it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
