Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
