i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
