I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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