bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i think i have two assholes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
