I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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