I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize