You can't motorboat a personality
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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