dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
