put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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