I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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