It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
