don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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