Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
