We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
