BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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