i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
