Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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