return my video game
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
