Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
