That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
