Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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