Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
