Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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