Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
