She is in my trunk
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
