My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
