So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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