You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
