How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
