Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
