I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
