Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
well you can't waste a boner
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
