how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
