Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm at about main and main street
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
