Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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