I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
