i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
