It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
