I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
