I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
