I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
