Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
