I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize