Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
