my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
