dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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