She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
